Where I come from

I was finishing up my Master's degree - experimental study on the effect of a non-uniform heat flux distribution on the heat transfer of a refrigerant. I was getting married at the end of the year. I needed to get a job ASAP. I applied to a single position. I went to a single interview. I received a single offer. I accepted - I was ecstatic!

Up to this point I had school to prove I could write tests - I aced that. I had university undergraduate degree to prove I could study - I failed in my estimation. I would go on to receive the Master's degree cum laude - acing again.

I walked into the company, hoping to apply my mind successfully, knowing that I would probably have to relearn everything I had freshly forgotten from undergraduate studies - there were reasons for it, none of which was anybody's business.

I was a single hire at the beginning of the year. Three others were hired and started working 3 months before I did. I was lugged in with them on the onboarding. This meant that the training they had received, the conversations that they had been a part of, were assumed to have crossed my path as well - it didn't. I felt lost, and like asking would expose my incompetence. I did not believe that they wanted me to be there when I arrived. I believed they wanted me to be there three months earlier: I was late on my first day. Not by a few minutes. By a few months.

The first two weeks were filled with reading of policies and SOP's, some training on specific tasks required for specific projects, always with senior engineers: they were very helpful and pleasant during the training. It was good enough.

The policies and SOP's made me very aware that this was a business. And, without some clear indication to the contrary, I believed myself to be THE burden of the business. I was a junior, with no experience to prove my worth, and no memory to improve my chances. I would have to work evenings and weekends to restudy what others would remember, and use my master's training technical writing to be valuable. It was actually noted to me that they "could not believe I received a degree, given the mistakes I make": if there's even slight truth in it, it hurts worse.

The first project came around. I was used to critique on my writing: the thesis had to be redone and redone and redone and redone... But I somehow experienced the critique on the project reports to be harsher, there was less leeway for starting at a new place, not knowing their little tricks and preferences on formatting. It felt like I was accused of incompetence in every comment. (Had I been in three months prior, these comments would not be necessary).

The policy was the juniors were not to engage with clients. We work through our technical lead. Everything is checked. EVERYTHING. Now, I can see that it would protect the company reputation. Then I felt that I could not be trusted. I internalised that.

A few years later I moved to a completely different kind of environment: startup, first hire, no onboarding, no real job description other than "be technical and improve where you see a need". I created SOP's. I optimised for consistent report writing. I analysed project workflows and created standardisations and improvements. I could not be technical in the way that was required, I needed official training, so I was technically supportive how I could think to be. It was beneficial. I saw that business was primary, and seeing myself as a resource was the only way to apply myself confidently, and competently: I have a certain XP, and require some additional attributes to be perfect. If I don't have it, I am just what I am. On the client side, I was not eloquent: I had internalised that I could not be trusted.

Later, more recently, I moved to a completely different kind of application. The software that I had previously been told was expensive and should only be used where absolutely necessary and when I was at expert level, was now the day to day playground. I found the transition challenging (Do I struggle with change?). Here, I was told that I would be trained for two years: finally, official training. Within the first two months I was handed a project, which I conducted fine. Then, I was told to do a client presentation, and completely trusted to a level that had never been afforded to me. I fumbled. The company did not appreciate that. I had internalised that I could not be trusted. I had proven that to be true.

Reader, if you're in a position of power, be clear on your expectation to your juniors. They internalise what is not said explicitly to the contrary. The mental grit that you have, they have yet to develop: help them to not have to go through the deepest darkest parts of perceived incompetence. Tell them this: "This is a business, you are a resource. We will work on your XP so that the value you deliver is acceptable to us. We manage risk, specifically to the company reputation, by assuring what you say/do/deliver aligns with the company, before we move outward. But you are well on your way, keep going. You're doing well."

If you are a junior, know this. You are in the most vulnerable state that you will ever be in. Mentally prepare. If your seniors don't tell you this, please believe me (This is generally true of all juniors): You are becoming aware of how little you know, and how the world has been turning without your help. You are making all the effort that you know to make, for this endeavour to be a success. Keep at it, you definitely will be invaluable when enough time has passed.

I am in the privileged position to be able to provide support now to juniors as they embark on their career from the outset. Where a company lacks the time, resources, structure to provide a consistent onboarding experience to their juniors, I would like to extend a helping hand. I will say what you've repeated and forgotten is of importance. I will lay the ground work from which you can shape to your specific company. I will be a soft place to land for juniors, to encourage them, and set them up for success.

Reader, welcome. We'll talk business soon.

Hannalie Vergotine

Founder: Opus Valorem